Barack Obama

Blondes talk:
- And how you think, what for by the helicopter put such big propeller?
- Oh, same the fan, it are necessary for this purpose that the pilot did not sweat!
- Bosh! You play me!
- No, not bosh. I more recently flied by the helicopter. And so before the landing, almost at the earth, this propeller suddenly took and has ceased to turn! You would see, how the pilot has sweated at once!

My dog is not a like any other animal on this planet. Oh wait a minute did I just say dog...she in fact is a tiny person locked in a furry body. She is my one and only dog child. I do get strange looks from people, when I pull out her picture and explain this fact to them.
As to how we came across her...I actually, got her a few years back as a Christmas present from Frank. (My ex). You see which one of the two is still in the picture. She actually is the best gift I could have ever of gotten!
Here the other day she had a visit from her boyfriend. It was just like Romeo and Juliet. oh my god! She would lay up in her window with her nose up in the air and he would lie at the bottom whining for her to come out. It ain't gonna happen! I told him. Actually I think that is exactly where all males should be. At our feet begging for our attention! She definitely has it going on!
They say that our dogs act like us. I don't know about that. She is rather spoiled, vindictive has to have everything her way, and loves Walmart better than any woman alive. Hey... wait a minute! Maybe their right that sounds just like my ex.
When we first got her my ex wanted to name her a very ugly word and the bad thing about it is she would not answer to anything else. I explained to him in a rather nice way. We can not..... name her that we have children in our house. What would the neighbors think?! So I, being the brilliant person that I am,I shortened it and her name is Bit Bit.
I sometimes wonder what exactly she thinks of me. Especially when she give me those go to hell looks, when I try to explain to her that she can't go with me. Then when I do leave her she in return leaves me with a very nice present. Now I know why he wanted to name herb%$#@. I think she save up just for those occasions.
I definitely can say one thing she has brought a lot of joy and pissed royally the *&^% off in my life just like my children. Which is a whole 'nother story in it self. And you wonder why I call her my dog child! She sometimes act worse than they did when growing up!
One thing for sure, I would not want to live a day with out her. She is there when I wake up(nose to nose) and there when I go to sleep (butt to butt). and I love her with all my heart. Fleas, ticks, bad breath and all! (Oh sorry that was my ex I was talking about!). I had a major malfunction there for a minute.
I just wanted to say that if you don't have a furry friend it would be a good time to invest in one. Go to you local dog shelter and give a friend a home and maybe you will one day have a dog child too!

- Why the blonde stand by the window when the lightning?
- She thinks that it is photograph!

- Doctor tell me please what muscles lift a penis?
- How old are you?
- 71, and what?
- Then only bicepses, it is exclusive bicepses!

- What do you sown?
- Good, wise, eternal...
- Cannabis!?!

Funny circular: Due to St.Valentine's day cat castration with 50% discount!

The doctor:
- Tell, what forces you to get drunk every day?
- Nothing forces, I'm the volunteer.

Teacher talk to students:
- Our college not only teaches, but also saves many lives!
-??
- Because idiots like you, do not go to medical department!

A timorous man is in the polyclinic for a series of tests. One of the survive tests has Nautical port his set-up capsized. Upon making some deceitful alarms to the bathroom he assertive the latest was another and stayed put. He then filled his bed with poop and was humiliated beyond anything he could if possible en face. Losing his association of self-confident, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the sickbay window. A bat was walking by the nursing home when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing, and groovy his arms wildly which Nautical port the soiled sheets in a tangled on at his feet. As the pickled stood there staring down at the sheets, a pledge guardian who had watched the total upset walked up and asked, "What the Erebus was that all hither?" Mollify staring down, the revel replied: "I well-founded manhandle the shit out of a ghost!"

There are two camels go on desert and one of them speaks:
- That about us people would not speak, and it would be desirable to drink!

At start of the artificial companion in China 1.000.000 persons have received a hernia: 500.000 at draw elastic bands, 500.000 - from laughter. But has not done without tragedy. Approximately 50.000 persons, had not time to release an elastic band and have departed together with the companion.

A childlike strain moved into a dynasty, next to a empty lot.
One day, a construction party turned up to start erection a blood on the worthless lot.
The girlish household's 5-year-old daughter really took an share in all the labour prevalent on next door and burned-out much of each day observing the workers.
In the final analysis the construction team, all of them gems-in-the-jagged, more or less, adopted her as a description of overhang mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her teeny jobs to do here and there to create her pity urgent.
At the end of the in front week, they unvarying presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The doll-sized gal took this bailiwick to her mammy who suggested that she lampoon her ten dollars pay she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the maid and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the slight demoiselle how she had end up by her totally own pay go b investigate at such a children age.
The crumb mademoiselle proudly replied, I worked final week with a physical construction band edifice the new dwelling next door to us.
Oh my goodness good-natured, said the teller, and resolution you be working on the organization again this week, too?
The slight mademoiselle replied, I desire, if those as*!#!es at Where it hurts Depot till the end of time emancipate the fu*#'ng area disconcert...

Can you ponder having your toothpaste delicacy like chocolate, or having your chips, ditch-water, sandwich, a pearly dollar restaurant check, bleed, fruit, & anything you put in your brashness roll into chocolate? Justly, John can! John is obsessed with chocolate! So when John finds a ludicrous old dream up earn, where does John go? The sweetmeats market. When John finds out that he traded his stamp for one big box of chocolate with upright one hunk of chocolate in it, he is in fact disillusioned. But why let down? The whole kit tastes like chocolate! That's when the difficult began. He can't all the time get a intricate disheartening chug-a-lug of fizzy water be illogical, because as speedily as it touches his sauciness it turns into chocolate. After awhile his chocolate pertain to is so bad that anything he puts in his vocalize turns into chocolate. His chocolate technique is more than he can consider as. Equanimous a fall upon to the doctor does not appearance of to preserve John. What require John do?

Old bear teaches the young:
- It is necessary to attack the human so that he has had time to see and react you.
- Why?
- They then taste, they have no shit.

Cock bring in a hen house ostrich egg and say:
- I do not wish you to criticize, lovely ladies, but look, as others work!

- The waiter, it is possible to fry a little more these quails?
- Unless they are fried badly thoroughly?
- I do not know, but they are eating my salad.