Two Blondes

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth perplex of a pension. He sits down and has a unite of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had sufficiently, and goes closed and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window defer, and having that halfwit accommodating knick-knack encircling the weird, notice as this man plummets to unfluctuating finish. On the other hand, upright as he is close by to hit the instruct, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes side with into the edifice. As a matter of course, the two men are amazed. The guy comes raw into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the handle. The two men at the window tokus are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the carry on AGAIN, the two men come to a stop him previous to he jumps and ask him how on blue planet he does that. He replies "It's sincere, actually. There's an air orifice down by the area, and if you come down with the updraft, you can hand yourself and get on the dregs with no problems." Then he proceeded to barricade out the window again. Thoroughly, these two men unquestioned that they solely HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! - made a disarray hitting all over the found. Meanwhile, the from the word go guy has made it subvene up to the bar. When he sits down to layout his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a natural - when you're exhilarated!"

Blondes talk:
- And how you think, what for by the helicopter put such big propeller?
- Oh, same the fan, it are necessary for this purpose that the pilot did not sweat!
- Bosh! You play me!
- No, not bosh. I more recently flied by the helicopter. And so before the landing, almost at the earth, this propeller suddenly took and has ceased to turn! You would see, how the pilot has sweated at once!

- Why the blonde stand by the window when the lightning?
- She thinks that it is photograph!

The doctor:
- Tell, what forces you to get drunk every day?
- Nothing forces, I'm the volunteer.

In the farthest room, where you never set foot cleaning ladies, for the old coffee table from IKEA, which was an ancient PC with a Pentium ODYN, without access to the Internet, there lived was not simply there, a poor office rats. Dear reader, go to the text, our hero, we will simply call the Rat.
Rat was gray and ugly, the salary he was little, but on thin physique and a hunchback, he was always afraid of colleagues and lowered his eyes to the floor during meetings with them. In his study there was no fan and therefore he did not drink tea a day for 8 times and therefore, co-workers loaded him with additional work.
The rats did not smoke, and as a result he was not aware of all the gossip and never participated in corporate squabbles and intrigues. He worked hard and often carried out assignments for his boss, and that all appropriated and lazy. Rats always shouting and humiliated by his colleagues, realizing that he is defenseless and never give problems. Rat hated my job and every morning he forced himself again and again to go there. When the workday ended, he gladly ran to his little hole and hid it in a melancholy solitude. So the years went on, rats were getting old and nothing in his life changed. As usual he was not getting any of stationery, for the offense he was deprived of the minimum quarterly bonuses, and secretaries at the reception by looking through him as through a hole in a Swiss cheese.
One day, on the eve of New Year, a little gray rats had bought a lottery ticket. Before he had a strange dream, which came to him a strange fairy, and said:
- Rat, you have to go to a stall around the corner and buy a lottery ticket with the number 333, and you'll get a miracle ...
He did so. And here this evening among all employees held a draw ticket. Big Boss of the company in shiny clothing appeared on stage with a list and began to read out the numbers of winners of the quiz.
ID 485, won the set for the care of fur - there was a shriek from the crowd, secretary boss rushed for a gift.
ID 867 - The boss looked at the crowd - won 2 kg of the elite cheeses. Nosy office manager, a gray mouse with greedy eyes, seized with joy vyygrosh.
Important rats from the stage announced a few rooms with prizes, the staff went on stage and gratefully accept gifts from the giver.
Little Rat stood at the end of the crowd and convulsively clutched her ticket in the sticky hands. He had hoped to win, he believed in a happy dream. And the last number, super travel on the sea!
Boss slowly removes the envelope, the hall fell silent in anticipation, silence fell over all, intrigue and a sense of mystery hovered over the gray noses. Slowly, slowly, he breaks one envelope, unfolds it and reads ...
- The winner of our quiz is number 33 ..., then he was stuttering, raising glasses and take a closer look intently at the paper, and so the winner number 334.
Hall groaned in anticipation and then the stage bouncing and uhaya crawled head of our rat. He shook hands with fawning boss and received from him a pass to the resort and the Little Rat was left alone with his ticket in a gray corner of the dark room.
The crowd began to rejoice and celebrate the New Year, and nobody cared, until a small gray figures running ghostly shadow dancing among the gray-black crowd.
The rats were returned to his miserable little hole, and fell asleep in the bed under the old tattered blanket little gray ...
Snow fell on the road the huge flakes, who was having fun and making plans for the future, someone spent time in solitude and grief, the New Year comes, and a fresh cycle of life began to record the time ...
The moral of this tale, dear reader, that miracles do not happen, and the rich are getting richer, crafty and enterprising always Uryvaev his piece and quiet and modest miserable, and so remain and sleep in their dark burrows.
P.S. My advice to you lastly, do not believe a strange thing that you fly at night under the guise of fairies and advised to buy something ...

- What is the problem of jokes about Obama?
- His supporters do not consider it ridiculous. Other people do not consider it jokes.

The most unhappy animal is octopus! His feet from the ass, and hands from the ass, and brain in the ass too ...

What will do blonde with oar?
-Dig them holes!

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.
So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"

The real Claustrophobia - it's when you go to the toilet, feel the fear and getting all!

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

The hare sits on a hillock and smokes. By there is a cow and speaks:
- Such small and smoke!
The hare answers:
- Such big, and without a bra!

Abram to his wife:
- Sarah, why do you hang your bra to dry on the street? Children think that it is a hammock, and swing on it!

Old bear teaches the young:
- It is necessary to attack the human so that he has had time to see and react you.
- Why?
- They then taste, they have no shit.

At start of the artificial companion in China 1.000.000 persons have received a hernia: 500.000 at draw elastic bands, 500.000 - from laughter. But has not done without tragedy. Approximately 50.000 persons, had not time to release an elastic band and have departed together with the companion.

Here comes an American doctor:
- Doctor, doctor, well you give me something to help hemorrhoids.
- So I was the last time you had already issued a candle?
- Discharged, but I can not use them.
- What can not be inserted?
- Insert I inserted, but the light, and could not.

It is new interesting flash quest - Steppen Wolf. You send in a dark cave to find out what's going on with people. Good luck!